Getting Married is Not a Joke!

I’m 24. My father always calls me an “eligible bachelor,” describing me as capable enough, responsible enough, and handsome (!) enough to get married. While you may think I get elated when I hear that, it actually worries me. Because I’ve heard men like me who were praised the same and it got to their heads and courted some woman they liked and they got married. But the marriage turned out to be so hard for them. Those men realized that they were not really capable enough and responsible enough (I don’t know about the ‘handsome enough,’ haha) to handle married life.

God taught me to learn from the experiences of others, and so I was keen on learning from marriages from the experiences of others. And I’ve learned that if you are not prepared, or if you think you are prepared, and you get married, your marriage actually becomes a mess. You can’t convince me otherwise because I’ve seen many marriages like these. Those who do not explode or shatter are those marriages, though those in it are pretty immature, are continually guided by others who knew better and have gone through those hardships.

So as much as I’m pressured to court and to marry someone, I am not bowing to it. Actually, I am currently in love with a woman four years younger than me, and I want to marry her someday. I expressed my feelings for her, and she declared that she loves me, too. Nevertheless, we don’t rush. We are continually knowing each other. In fact, I haven’t courted her yet, even though I’m convinced she is the one. (We’ve known each other for almost ten years.) Because for me, courting means you are ready to get married, and I know myself better (and at the same time I do not know myself enough) to say that I am ready. I want God’s will to happen in my life, and I think He’s not into that for my life as yet.

It’s because I believe marriage is not a joke! Getting married is not a joke. I do not take marriage as Hollywood or the entertainment industry treat it, like it is some sort of saliva that you can spit out anytime you felt doing so. For me, marriage is sacred, and I’m treating it as such. You do not touch something sacred when you still feel unclean to get your hands on it. For me, God’s preparation is very, very important. I don’t want to destroy that woman’s life, as much as I don’t want to destroy mine.

For now, as the then-married Natasha Bedingfield said in her song, “I’m single. That’s how I wanna be.”

Because getting married is not joke!

Singles: Want to Get Married?

Bawat tao ay naranasan maging single. Mayroong mga tao na nag-asawa na in their teen years, kaya maikli lamang ang panahon na kanilang pagiging single. Ang iba naman ay nananatiling single buong buhay nila—may ilan dahil sa pinili nila iyon.

Maraming young adults ang nananatiling single for several years and then nagpapakasal. Ayon sa recent demographical studies parami nang parami ang nagpo-postpone ng marriage hanggang sa kanilang late twenties or early thirties. Dahilan ito ng mga ilang salik. Una, maraming babaeng pinipili ang pagiging career woman kaysa maging homemakers. Gayon din, ang mga young adults ay nag-iisip ng isang ideal mate, possibly because of the influence of media. Naghihintay sila ng isang “perpekto” para pakasalan. Kahit ekonomiya nakakaapekto rin. Ang pagtaas ng pangangailangan na kumuha ng mas mataas na degree sa college para magkaroon ng magandang trabaho ay nagpapanatili sa mga young adults sa school at unavailable for marriage. Nagde-desisyon din ang mga young adults na manatiling single dahil pataas nang pataas ang renta sa tirahan.

Ang single years ay nag-i-impose ng ilang mga problema para sa mga kabataan at mga young adults. Maaari nilang maisip na ang mga taong nasa pagitan ng high school at marriage ay parang isang “free period” para magpakasaya at i-explore ang mundo. Ang seryosong trabaho ng pagma-mature sa tingin sa buhay ay makakapaghintay hanggang sa pag-aasawa. Ang ganitong uri ng pag-iisip ay mabilis na nagiging laganap na social trend. Si Dr. Dan Kiley, isang psychologist, ay inilalarawan ang “Peter Pan Syndrome,” isang pattern na kanyang na-diskubre sa mga bata at single adults na tumatangging “lumaki” at harapin ang ang mga seryosong tanong ng buhay. Nananatili silang perpetual adolescents.

Ang kaisipan na ang marriage ay nagpapa-mature ng isang tao ay mapanganib. Hindi kailanman inisip ng Diyos na ang pag-aasawa ang magpapa-mature sa iyo. Marriage doesn’t make a person mature; rather, marriage is for mature people. Ito ay humihingi ng isang mataas ng degri ng responsibilidad, pagsasakripisyo ng sarili at commitment. Ang marriage ng dalawang insecure, unstable, at immature  na tao ay naghahanap ng gulo.

Guidelines for Singles

In light of this, ang mga single adults ay dapat gamitin ang kanilang “single” time para kilalanin ang kanilang mga sarili, magkaroon ng sense of responsibility at mag-develop ng isang mature outlook on life. Dapat nilang pagbutihin ang pag-aaral at makabuo ng circle ng matitibay na Cristianong kaibigan. Eto pa ang kanilang mga dapat isaisip:

  • Mag-concentrate sa iyong personal na spiritual development. Dapat nilang pagtibayin ang kanilang relasyon sa Diyos. (2 Thessalonians 1:3; 2 Peter 2:18). Jesus “grew in wisdom and stature” noong Siya’y single pa. (Luke 2:52)
  • Malaki ang advantages ng pagiging single para lalong makapaglingkod sa Panginoon. Si Paul na lang ang isang example. Hindi siya makakapagtayo ng iba’t ibang churches kung siya’y may asawa na tulad ni Pedro.

Lagi mo lang isipin na ang pagiging single mo ay regalo ng Diyos. Make use of being single while you still have it.

Translated from Pure Determination, pp. 45-46, Regular Baptist Press.